okay this all new to me. Well the recovery part  is anyways! I hate it! This is my very first post so forgive me if I seem improper. I just feel so disgusted in myself right now. I just got my daughter back and instead of enjoying her precious baby face and presence all I could think about is reasons why I should get high. Oh how easy they are to find. I find myself justifying and rationalizing every reason i have. Stupid I get chance after chance, time after time somehow by the grace of god to choose another way before my life as I know it comes to a crashing halt. You ever thought you knew what you wanted until you got just that and suddenly then realized how off you were cause its not nearly even close to what you want and you were 10 X's happier the way things used to be? I got everything I asked for and here I am sitting here with the emptiess heart, lifeless & dull regretting every word & every decision I've  ever made. Seems Im great at screwing myself!  What now in sobriety when you know everything thats good & every thing that god has in store for me is  right past this little obstacle & detour if I could only surrive the drive before I crash and burn. I know I make no since right now. I cant even speak or think clearly. Im just a few days sober from meth after at least 4 yrs of using and it hurts my head. It seems like everything is wrong just everything. I dont know why cause thats far from true. Everything was wrong before at least now there maybe half way right you know? Im soooo- grouchy too! I just want to yell at anybody who crosses my path. Especially those who are sober & try to give me advice, opions, or suggestions. My new sober friends who have been a positive influence on my desicion to get clean are  ready to get told how they dont know sh%*! To go be somebody elses hero. how rude am I? 

Hi CDBLUE,

You are really in the pits right now...  I don't have any magical advice except when it comes down to it, do this sobriety for nobody else but yourself.  What I mean is that you will be doing it to try to appease people, courts and whomever... But at the end of the day please do it to honor yourself and gain self respect.  I have been right where you are and I was in NA/AA for about 8 yrs.  The biggest part I can relate with that you are experiencing right now is the anger.  I was soooo mad and angry almost all the time.  It's taken me quite awhile actually to get past some of my anger issues.  My first sponsor told me to "Practice" being happy..  Ha!!  At first it made me laugh at just the idea..  Sometimes it would work and rarely on occasion it wouldn't.  He told me to sing the song zippedy doo daa, zippedy aaaa.....  And try to put on a smile while doing it!!  LOL..  I'm laughing about it now as we speak      Anyway, I want you to know we are all here for you and I wish you the best and all the happiness you deserve and need.  I hope I can cheer you up when you're down and help you keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Because that is what it will take..  I don't care what anyone tells you - this is going to be a little hard and there are days where you will just have to make up your mind that what you are thinking about doing is just "NOT RIGHT"!!!  And you will have to put one foot in front of the other and start taking the next right action.  God is on your side.  So are we.  Please keep going to NA and do it often.  Stay in touch on the forum here and let us know how you're doing.

CDBLUE: I feel your pain. I have also been where you are. I have been sober only by the Grace of God, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and some great sponsorship. When they told me that it is a One Day at a Time deal I wanted to puike on them. But, I finally realized that in ALL areas of my life, I only have to do anything, one day at a time. If I don't succeed today, I will try again tomorrow. Corey was right when he said it will be hard, and it will be at first, but the more you do it, the simpler and hopefully easier it gets also. I have been sober for 5 1/2 years, and the past few months have been rough, this last week in particular. But, by the Grace of God, I did not drink, nor did I have the desire, or any cravings. Drinking was not an option. Meth is tough to get away from, don't let anyone kid you, it is tough. Cigarettes are the hardest, but I think Meth falls in above Cocaine and Heroin...
Hang in there for a day.
Go to meetings, ask for help. Reaching out for help is one of the hardest things to do sometimes, but it is so worthwhile.
You are not and do not have to go through this alone. There are plenty of people to help you, you just have to show up at good meetings and you will find them. Keep going until you find one of those meetings. If you are in Rapid City, I know of a couple I used to go to that are truly awesome. Alcoholics Anonymous can really help you. Please give God a try, surrender and go to the meeitings, and ask for help. Keep writng to us, if I were close to you, I would let you yell at me, and maybe even punch me abit, whatever it takes just do it.
Take care, Hang in there,  God Bless, and keep in touch
John

Hello My name is Vanette and i just recently discovered NA.I am 6 wks clean and want to stay that way.I'm not able to make it to the meetings anymore,but I need a way to stay plugged in,people I can talk to.Anybody interested?

Hi Vanette,

I'm glad to meet you.  Welcome to the forum.  Congratulations on your 6 wks of being clean and sober!  I'm glad you're here.  Feel free to PM me if you need anything.